


Blood

by sortaemonotreally (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cutting, Death, Depression, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7836847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sortaemonotreally
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I hope it isn't too OOC... Criticism is welcome!</p>
    </blockquote>





	Blood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [viria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/viria/gifts).



> I hope it isn't too OOC... Criticism is welcome!

Nishinoya just felt numb.

He thought he would be ready for this.

He had known it would only be a matter of days after the "incident" in the school gym.

The doctors had already told the entire team that Asahi wouldn't last long with the bullet piercing so close to his heart, that there was nothing they could do.

It hadn't really sunk in the first time they were told he was gone.

But now...seeing the body so close...

Even though he saw Suga, Daichi, hell, even _Kageyama,_ sobbing, his eyes stayed dry.

His face stayed the same stoney mask the entire funeral.

It wasn't until later, when he was alone in his room, that he truly cried.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He didn't show up to practice the next day.

It wasn't like he was planning on skipping.

It was more like he was about to walk through the gym door and stopped.

There were too many memories.

He was just done with the whole thing.

All the whispers in the halls, surrounding and suffocating him and his teammates.

Whispers that consisted of, " _What's with him?_ " when Nishinoya ignored anything said to him.

And then, " _Are you stupid? That's one of the kids who was trapped in the gym last week..."_

It was the second kind that got to him more.

He just needed to get away from it all.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later, shut in his room, he recalled something that happened when he was seven years old.

That day, he had been climbing the large tree in their backyard when his hand had grabbed onto where a branch had recently been chopped off.

He had fallen out of the tree, and then burst through the door, crying, and showed his mother the splinter of wood stuck into his finger.

When his mother had returned with tweezers, she instructed him to bite his other pinky.

When he looked up at her in confusion, she said it was to distract him from the pain of her pulling out the splinter.

That's what was running through his mind as he slowly dragged the razor across his shoulder.

He watched the dark red liquid slowly leak from the incision.

The pain felt good, _raw_ , and that scared him.

But Nishinoya couldn't make himself stop.

It felt good to have a distraction from all the other pain.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He showed up to practice the next day.

Days turned into weeks, and they all seemed blurred.

He felt guilty every time he lied about where he got the scars and bruises covering his arms.

He had almost settled into a routine--he would get home from practice and try to block everything out.

His mind would soon be plagued with thoughts of  _what he could have done_ , and  _why was it Asahi and not himself_.

He tried to fight the urge, but eventually he gave in and started cutting himself yet again.

He stopped slitting his arms, and instead cut his stomach, where no one could see.

He started changing in the bathrooms instead of the club room, to hide the growing scar collection.

He didn't know if anybody else noticed, or  _cared._

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't until one day after particularly bad practice that Daichi and Sugawara literally cornered him.

"What's with you?" Suga asked him testily.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Nishinoya's answer was a little too quick, a little too fierce.

Daichi's face changed, became angry. "Don't give me that. You think we haven't noticed anything-at all?!"

"The way you limp into practice every other day?"

"The way you wince every time somebody touches you?"

"The fact that you stopped smiling, that your eyes look more grey than brown?"

"If you do, then you are a total idiot!" Suga ends the montage looking the angriest Nishinoya had ever seen him.

Then Nishinoya started to laugh.

He saw the answer to all his problems bright and clear.

Daichi and Suga both looked confused, and he took the opportunity to shove past them and hightail it home.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, he left the house at sunrise, leaving them a note that said he had to be at practice earlier than usual.

When he arrived at the bridge, he looked over the railing at the rushing water.

He was scared.

But what other answer was there to his problems?

Nishinoya took a deep breath, put both hands on the railing and jumped.

 His last thought was a desperate  _I don't want to die._

~~~~~~~~~~

His body was found two days later, less than a quarter mile downstream.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry.  
> This was my first fic, so maybe give some constructive criticism?  
> My English sucks, so thanks for reading the whole thing.


End file.
